Blog a book along-n Chapter 2

We are now in Chapter 2 of What Do You Really Want For Your Children? by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I found this chapter particularly interesting. It’s called “I want my children to value themselves. ” This chapter spurred a few late night conversations with my husband about what the heck we are doing. It also made me stop half way through every sentence I spoke to reevaluate whether I was wording it right or not. It definitely has made a difference in how I talk to E, my 4 (almost 5) year old in a good way.
Krista sent out some good questions for us to think about. Here is one that I wanted to touch on.

What is one way you inadvertently lower self confidence and self worth in your children? I never realized how much we say “good boy” and “bad boy” until now. We’d say stuff like, “oh you’re such a good boy when you listen.” or “Why are you being a bad boy?” Instead, according to Dyer, we should be more specific and say, “I love that you picked up your shoes when I ask you to.” or “Why are you climbing up on the counters?” When I first started reading this chapter I think I may have rolled my eyes a couple of times, but after reading on, I realized that he makes a lot of great points and it was worth giving his techniques a try. Having to stop and think about what I was saying helped me to talk instead of yell (most of the time).

Dyer also wrote about treating each child as a unique indiviual. I try hard not to campare my two little ones too much. I mean, they both look a lot alike and they were both big babies and we like to look back at pictures and compare their weights and physical characteristics. I know they are completely different from each other. Growing up there were countless times where my grandmother would sing my praises to my sisters and say things like, “Regina doesn’t do that.” and so on. I know it created a little resentment towards me. I don’t ever want my little I-guy to ever feel less than his older brother or vice versa. They already have completely different personalities and I want them to be proud of their diferences but still be closley bonded as brothers. I have found myself saying things like, “See, he’s eating all of his food, why aren’t you?” or “Don’t treat him that way, he’s just a baby.” Instead I could say things like, “You have to be a little more carefull with I because he is still learning to walk, (he is still learning, or doesn’t understand yet…etc.) It is definitely a pitfall I don’t want to fall into.

After reading the basic principles for building self esteem and the strategies for raising a child’s self portrait, I realized that hey, it would be pretty great to have children with high self esteem. I often think about kids I went to school with who never got picked on, who were outgoing and friendly and seemed to have an easier time in school. These kids did well in school, they were confident and involved in lots of activites. I on the other hand was painfully shy, made fun of, insecure and overly sensitive (part of me still is). I don’t want this for my children. I want them to be able to handle the pressures of life happily knowing that they can do or be anything they want – even after small failures.

Throughout the week I have tried to use some of the strategies discussed in this book. I even noticed my husband trying to re-word what he says. For dinner, instead of getting on Super E to use his fork, he simply said, “Hey you know this dinner gets a little messy when you use your hands. How about trying your fork?” Without further disruption, he picked up his fork and finished his dinner. Yeah! I have also been trying harder to focus on the positives and compliment the good things instead of pointing out all the bad. I’ve noticed that he lights up when I compliment him and that he remembers the compliment more than a criticism.

One thing that we don’t lack in is love and affection. Our boys are constantly smothered with love, hugs, kisses and snuggles. They eat it up and so do we. I think because of our constant affection that Super E is so confident, friendly, generous and open, not yet able to judge or be intimidated by others. I love that about him and would like to keep him that way.

Here is an interesting article that I found. I’m not sure how it fits in with this exactly, but it was interesting none the less. It tackles the question of whether children are born talented or made talented. It’s called A Star is Made