I have found it harder to make deep friendships as I’ve become older. I have a lot of friends that are really great, but many are not the go hang-out-all-day kind, or share deepest dreams and secrets, totally connected kind of friends. Those seem harder to find, especially because I’ve moved so  many times in the last 20 years and have been focused on family and motherhood. I have been afraid to really put myself out there and really open up for fear of moving or neglecting my family life. I have also had some big heart breaks in the last couple of years thinking that I found my soul sisters only to find that I had to guard my heart and protect my true self.

Lately, now that my children have become more independent and I am planning to stay put, I have been finding out who my real, true friends are. They are the ones that hold my dreams gently in their hands, providing protection, encouragement and kindness to help me blossom. Those special gems in my life feel no need to put a negative spin on my plans and hold me high so I can see my bright future. I am so lucky to have these beautiful women in my life.

I think that friendships develop as a progression, like this painting I did in my art journal. It starts out promising, but sketchy. You hold tight to your heart. Then you learn more, open up and things start to fill in and develop. Pretty soon, the relationship feels rich with color and deep awareness of one another and it feels so good, easy–positively uplifting.  I cherish that kind of connection and keep it so close to my heart and work hard to give back in return.

How about you? Do you feel it gets harder? How about you mamas out there- do you feel motherhood, having a family makes things harder? What are your thoughts?


P.S.  Don’t forget! The EARLYBIRD discount for the Art of Giving E-course ends tonight!!


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15 Responses to progression

  1. Did I hear myself loud and clear in this post or what?! It is so nice to hear I’m not alone in that front. I’m still hoping to find some soul sisters for myself, but there is a part of me that fears I’ll remain alone that way. It’s so darn hard!

  2. Lime Tree says:

    Beautiful post about friendship. Agree completely. Older we get, we realize that most friendships were on a superficial level and met the purpose of that time period.
    Beautiful artwork! Congrats!

  3. spindelmaker says:

    I don´t know if I find it harder… I think maybe it´s the other way around actually. Even though I haven´t moved that much around, my job constantly puts me in contact with loads of new people. And a lot of them become good friends of mine. Some very, very good friends.
    But then again. How do you define a good friendship? Do you measure it in time? In intensity? In laughter? In secret-sharing?
    (I really like your girls, and it´s so nice to see how you make them from scratch. I didn´t know you first worked in blue shades, even though it makes perfect sense. )
    I want to be your friend, Regina! 🙂

  4. MelBee says:

    What a beautiful post and one I can totally relate to….It is hard to find soul friends….and being brave and making connections does take time and effort…and the busy lives as moms and workers etc etc we lead does make it harder….don’t know the answer….I just going to maybe try to keep an open heart.xx

  5. Hope R. says:

    As we age, we have become so much wiser and have been burned many times. I would love to find that soul sister. I have had soul sisters in the past but they were for that time and place in my life. I am in search for one now that can be my soul sister through this current period of life. She is out there, maybe I am keeping my guard up to high to see her!! May we all search together.

  6. It’s not easy to find a true friend at any age, and add to that moving and raising children (a full-time job for sure) – yep, it’s hard. But if you find one – mutual encourager – hang on to them forever. My friends and I rarely get together but regular phone calls hold us together. . . I have an adult nephew with a bazillion friends, he calls nearly all of them each week (I’m thankful to be considered one on his calling list). I’ve tried to emulate that, though not weekly, at least frequently to just check in and see how my peeps are doing. And I’m blessed they do the same if they don’t hear from me for a few weeks. Glad you are finding some True Blue Friends 🙂 Hugs ~ Mary

  7. elsa says:

    Really great post and exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. I have a few very close friends, tho they live in different parts of the country, which makes it really difficult. I’ve moved around a lot too and while I’ve met some really wonderful people in the place I am now, I’m lonely for my old friends.
    I’m not sure how things are going to play out, but I have hope that I can open my heart, like you, and meet new people that I can be open and honest with.
    Love the progression of your painting. It’s really beautiful.

  8. rhonda says:

    You are so right! I had a discussion with my husband last week about the same thing. I think that our requirements for friendship change with age,and family. i have been in this house, neighborhood, school for 4 years now, and still i dont have a best friend. Truth be told sometimes i really do need one. The problem is not just anyone will do.

  9. Such thoughtful words about friendship. I appreciate your talking about them and sharing them. And the paintings are marvellous. I love your blending for the face tones.

  10. I so agree, the friends that I am the closest to I have known for over 40 to 50 years. We went to school together, raised our kids together, shared meals when we were low on money.

    Last year, I found that my illness showed me that some of the people I have met in the past 5 years are also good friends. They sent me cards, brought me meals, took me to doctor’s appointments and and we’re an important part of my recovery.

    When your children are young, it is hard to really develop lasting relationships, however, I believe that there will be that one or two special people who will always be there.

    In my circle of art friends, I consider you a special and life long friend

  11. What a great post! It does seem like it gets harder the older we get… Although for me at least I wonder if maybe some of that is valuing deeper friendships over just passing less meaningful friendships.

    I am kind of on the other side of the fence when it comes to the kids/family issue though. Everyone we know is so busy with their kids, they gravitate towards friends with children. Leaving it harder to make friends when you don’t have children of your own (in the traditional sense – mine just have four legs ;).

    Such a great post though Regina! It makes me wish we lived a bit closer & could get together to chat…

  12. kt says:

    oh regina,
    i was working and thinking about just this thing. I love my work mates and we do things together but my true soul sisters( you included) seem to live in different locations…. and so true with kids still in the home ,I feel they are still where a lot of my energy goes…..working on finding more of a balance.
    xo katy

  13. Andria says:

    You have made such a true comparison between friendships and the portraits in your journal. I have thought a lot about friendships in the past few weeks, and I’ve just joined a neighborhood moms’ group, and am in the middle of becoming a “part of the group,” which has been in place for several years. I love “light” friendships that give me a chance to chat at playdates while the kids are running around, but I also wish that I had some deeper friendships that satisfy a deeper, different kind of need. Definitely not easy to come by. Sometimes it seems like EVERYONE is looking for the same thing, but none of us knows how to go about it; other times it seems like NO ONE else is looking for the same thing, which leaves me out completely.

  14. Rebecca says:

    What a great visual representation of friendship. Even though I moved three years ago, I found that it was easier to be alone and slowly make friends here because I know what kinds of things I think are important. It can be lonely, but the results are so much more fulfilling.

  15. Joyce says:

    Thanks for speaking about this topic. Friendships have been on my mind for a while lately – I feel it is something missing in my life. I have experienced some disappointments with people I considered a friend and wondered if people I’ve known a long time, but only see once in a while, are really considered friends or are they more like acquaintances now? From what I’ve read on your blog you have a wonderful family plus found and developed trusting relationships so you are not only talented but also blessed.

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